Just A Kiss Chapter 20

I tug on his hair to get his attention.

“Babe?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” he chuckles.

I move to sit up, still naked and not caring. 

“I’m being serious.”

“Oh…well, what’s wrong?  Did you not…like…what we just did?”

I love him.  But as smart as he is, he’s a complete idiot sometimes.

“Um…no, I mean…yes, I liked that.  Really…liked that.  But what I want to know is,” I take a deep breath and let it out.  This shouldn’t be so difficult.  Okay…here goes.

“Okay, we both said we were ready…for everything.  To have sex…make love…whatever…and I know why we waited, but we’ve been back a week now and I guess I was just kind of expecting…I don’t know…that maybe we would have done it by now.  I mean, we’ve had the ‘exes’ talk and the ‘virgin or not’ talk and the ‘safety and protection’ talk and for the love of God I’ve heard enough from Emmett and the mother-hovers to last a lifetime about the ‘tab A goes into slot B’ talks.  Just…are you changing your mind?  Are you not ready?”

Whew…God that sucked.  Oh, here comes the blush.  Huh, full body this time, it would seem.  Nice touch, Bella.

He blinks his long, blond-tipped eyelashes, slowly, two…three times before he answers me.

“I’m…I think I’m just a little nervous,” he sighs.

What?  But he’s the one with the actual experience.  How in the hell is this gonna work if he’s nervous?

“But…why?  It’s just me…and you…and everything has been great so far, us learning each other as we go, I mean.  Did I do something wrong?”

“No…no, no, Pretty.  C’mere,” he sighs, pulling me over onto his lap, straddling him.

He holds me close, so close and sure…confusing me even more.

“Bella…I love you,” he says between soft kisses placed across my shoulder and collarbone.  “And I want you…God, so much.  Holding back has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

His eyes are dark in the dim light, but they’re imploring, begging me to believe him.

“I want to kiss and taste every inch of you, every curve, every crease…ravish you until you beg me to stop.”

I whimper at the thought and when I do I feel him smile against my skin, then kissing…always kissing.  “But I’m just a typical guy, a little worried about performance I guess—“

My eyes snap to his.  “What?” I interrupt.  My hand to God, that better not be it.  Performance anxiety?

“Shhh.  Let me finish.”  I bite his finger that’s pressed against my lips.

“No matter what, it’ll be good for me,” he chuckles darkly.  “But,” he continues, nuzzling my neck and behind my ear, “I just want it to be that way for you…not painful or uncomfortable, and I know there’s no way around it. You’re so beautiful and so soft and so warm but I know I’ll need to take my time with you.  It kills me that I’ll probably hurt you no matter how slow and easy I take it…if I even can.”

His words are sweet and honest, covering me like honey.  How will I ever love him more than I do in this very moment?

“But the hurt won’t last, Edward.  Think of it as a necessary evil,” I joke, trying to lighten his spirits.

He growls in response and I lean forward, pushing on his shoulders and shifting our weight until he’s on his back beneath me and it’s my turn to hover.

“There may be a short time where it’s uncomfortable, but there are ways to make it a little easier, more tolerable.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure.  We’ll help each other through it.  I honestly don’t care if I have an orgasm or not the first time.  Most girls don’t.  What I want,” I say, tracing the square of his jaw, kissing the dimple in his chin, “is just to be with you.  I want the intimacy…to know that you only want me.  I want to absorb every bit of everything you have to give me.  I want the gentle affection of love making…the frenzied passion of fucking…I want it all because I want it with you.

“My heart belongs to you already.  All I have left to give you is my body.  So don’t be nervous.  Don’t be afraid.  I’m not going to judge you.”

“I love you,” he says, first a little awestruck and then demanding, pulling me down to crash our lips together.  His tongue searches my mouth, tasting me and taking part of my soul with him when he’s done.

I kiss down his neck, down his chest, playfully thumb across his tiny nipples, and then inch my way further south.  I remove his pajama pants and allow them to join my panties.

I softly kiss up the insides of his legs, all tight and muscled and manly, the coarse hairs tickling my nose.  When he sees where I want to be he groans and pants and finally gives in, threading his fingers through my hair.

“What are you doing to me, Pretty,” he mumbles, more of a praise than a question.

“I’m loving you, the only way I can…for now.”

 I take him in my mouth, full and thick, and follow his cues; his moans when he really likes it, his pants when he’s getting too close and I need to back off.  I kiss him and lick him and love him until he begs me to move…which I do because that part’s going to take some practice.

When we’re both cleaned and sated and relaxed, we crawl into bed, completely naked and snuggled close. 

I’m glad we talked.  I understand now.  As much as I want the heat of the moment, because of my virginity, it will take some planning, some finesse.  And I’m okay with that. 

“You’re not mad?  Or disappointed,” he asks from over my shoulder.

“Not even a little bit.  It will happen when it’s supposed to and it will be beautiful.”  I turn in his arms, and kiss his red lips until I’m love-drunk and drowsy.

I fall asleep easily wrapped up inside of his warm Edward cocoon, his heart beat playing my favorite song.  I dream of forehead kisses and hair twirls, of nipple teases and hip squeezes.

I dream of Edward whispering in my ear, along my skin.  I dream of goose bumps and arousal that’s hot and slick and thick and hard.

“Bella…Pretty,” he murmurs, coaxing me awake from what may not have been slumber after all.

He cups my breast, squeezing gently, then harder, tugging my nipple between his fingers.

He kisses me between my shoulder blades making me shiver as full alertness joins full arousal.

“I didn’t tell you everything,” he whispers.

“Hmm?”  I’m coherent but not, and it’s definitely his fault. 

Desire, heavy with lust and love, courses through my veins as he rolls me to my back, touching, tasting…testing.

“I wanted to wait to make love to you when you knew it was about how I felt about you and not on the coattails of a horny victory high.”

My eyes flash open and meet his.

He…what?

“I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out yet,” he says.  He draws lazy circles around my breast and down my sternum and around my belly button; a veritable circuit of turn-me-on and feel-good.

“Figured what out?”

“I know it’s quick and I know it’s scary, but Bella…I just want you to know, before we go any farther, that this is what I want.  You are what I want.  In every way.  For every day of forever.  Will you let me show you?

I nod because I have no words.  Only love and unshed tears.

He kisses me and touches me until I’m so ready I can’t stand it.  No longer tentative, I pull him over on top of me, cradling him between my legs.

I feel him at my entrance, silky and solid, and I want to push my hips into him.  Oh, how I want to.  But I need to let him lead.  He needs it and so do I.

With eyes on mine and lips bitten by both, slowly, so slowly, he lines up and pushes into me.  And I take it…take him…all of him.

There’s not weeping or gnashing of teeth or even pain.  We’ve played enough in the last month to overcome any of those things.  He’s obviously bigger, deeper than anything else that’s ever been there before.  But what I feel isn’t discomfort.  No…it’s fullness.  Fullness from how he fits inside of me.  Overflowing from how he’s stolen and filled up my heart.

“It’s okay,” I reassure him once I realize he’s shaking.  “I’m okay.  Just, go slow.”

He pulls out, probably only half way, and then pushes into me again.  Then more and more until my hips find the rhythm of his and we’re in sync, pushing and pulling, giving and taking.

One of his hands is cupped around my shoulder from behind and the other skims the outside side of my leg until it finds its home in the bend of my knee, pulling, raising, widening.

Sometimes he slows, catching his breath while I kiss his shoulders and biceps.  Sometimes he grunts when he hits a spot so right and so deep that we both teeter on the edge.

And when our tongues find the rhythm that matches the one of our hips, he lowers his hand, reaching down between us, and touches me until I see stars.  And then his final few thrusts are deep and frantic until he joins me on the euphoric side.  Loved.

Blissed and blessed.

For someone who was so worried…well…that was excellent.

“You okay, Pretty?” he mumbles into my neck as I trace the sweaty, muscled lines of his back.

“Mmm…so okay.  You?”

“Better than.”

For the second time in one night, we clean, then cuddle; my head on his shoulder and his hands in my hair.

I’m dying to know something and can’t help but to ask.

“Edward?”

“Hmm?”

His voice is gruff and thick with almost-sleep this time.

“Can I ask you something?”

A chuckle.  “You just did.”

I bite him.  It’s our thing.

“Where did you learn that thing you did?  Touching me at the end?”

He groans and starts to roll away from me.

“What?  Hey, where are you going?  Look at me!”

I hear him swallow and then his sleepy eyes slightly open and see me where I’m leaning over him, waiting not-so patiently.  “Well?”

“Swear not to laugh?”

I quirk my eyebrow at him, instead.

“Bella…swear.”

“Fine…I swear.”  Big baby.

He covers his face and mumbles and I think I know what he said, but I just want to be sure.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.  What was that?”

“Cosmo, alright?  Fucking Cosmo!” he growls.

And I love him even more. 

I was intrigued even before I heard the crunch-crunch sound of his cleats against the library’s tiled floor.  I was twitterpated when he held my hand and walked me to my dorm.  I was in love with just a kiss.

Everything else he is or does is just so much more than I expected and definitely more than I deserve.  I’m a lucky girl.  I’ve been marked and branded as his and he is mine.

“I love you…forever,” I tell him.

“I love you forever, too, Pretty.”