Chapter 11 (She Was Loved)

Chapter 11~(She Was Loved)


BPOV

My head was pounding. My sinuses were throbbing. My chest was aching. My throat was burning. My eardrums were bursting. I only had half of one nostril that I could breathe out of effectively. I may have only been a nurse, but I was pretty sure I was dying.

I could tell that I was coming down with something a few days ago, but I just thought it would be the typical seasonal cold. That was before I coughed so hard that I fell off of the couch. And also before I finished off the second box of Kleenex. So glad I sprung for the ones with lotion in them. NyQuil was just not doing its job this time. I had given up on the dosage cup long ago and was taking hits straight from the bottle. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

I was dressed in my sweats and huddled under a crocheted afghan on the couch. I knew I must have been running a fever when I was still shivering even though I was bundled in all of those layers. Reality television was the order of the day. I didn’t really need to pay attention to know what was going on. My head hurt so badly and I was so high on cold medicine that I was in and out all day anyway. I had managed to doze off during an extremely riveting episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter when I thought I heard a light tapping on the front door.

I tried to hold my head up to see who it was, but it was a wasted effort.

“Come in!” I croaked.

“Bella?”

“On the couch. Follow the tissue trail.”

“Oh Sweets…look at you, poor thing. Bless your little heart! How long have you been sick?”

I didn’t know why Esme was here, especially since I would normally have been at work, but I was suddenly grateful.

“A couple of days, I think. It didn’t get bad until yesterday afternoon after work. What are you doing here?” I coughed out.

“Oh, well, I got a phone call from a very worried man telling me that you were sick. That same man also begged me to come and check on you, take care of you, and then to immediately report back to him. Bossy britches, that one.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Sweets, why didn’t you call anybody? You know we would have come over and helped you out.”

It had not even occurred to me to call anyone. I had been taking care of myself for so long I think I just didn’t know any differently. It’s been me versus the world for the last eight years so I forget that there are others around me now who would care enough to stop what they are doing just to see if I was ok.

“I just didn’t think about it, Esme. I’m sorry. Is Edward mad at me?”

“Shoot no. He’s havin’ a come apart is what he’s doin’. I thought he was just over reacting and buggin’ the stew out of me, but I can see that he had reason to. What you need is some good old fashioned Mama lovin’ and I’m just the woman who’s gonna give it to you. Now, did you talk to Carlisle when you called in sick?”

“No ma’am. I just talked to Lauren when I left work yesterday. She told me not to bother coming in today because I already looked like death.”

“Well, you just sit tight. I’ll get you fixed right up. You’ll feel better soon, I promise. You just tell me what hurts and what you’ve been taking and I’ll call that husband of mine.”

After giving her a rundown of my symptoms and the over the counter medicines I had already tried, she led me upstairs to my bed. Then she ordered me to get in, lie down and not to even think about moving until she came back.

I couldn’t help but to lie there and think about Edward. I reached out to my bedside table for my phone. Crap! It’s off. No wonder he was going all ape shit. I turned my phone back on and found that I had two missed calls from last night and four from today. He had also tried to text me a few times. Preciousness that he is, he really would make a good stalker.

I listened to all of his messages.

Bella, I’m going to be home late tonight. We are practicing two new songs for the Homecoming game this weekend. I’ll call you before I go to bed baby girl. Talk to you soon.

Hey Babe. I guess you must already be asleep. I hate that I missed you. I never sleep as good when I don’t hear your voice before bed. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I swear. Sweet dreams baby girl.

And then the ones from this morning…

Hey lovin’…listen, I haven’t talked to you since earlier yesterday afternoon and I miss you. I hope you are ok. Wait…I haven’t done something boneheaded and you’re mad at me, right? Shit…ok, call me when you can.

Bella, please pick up the phone. I’m really starting to worry. You always answer my calls. If I don’t hear back from you in an hour or so, I’m gonna call the hospital and check on you there. I know you were getting a cold…damn it! I hope you aren’t really sick. I’m calling mom. I’ll talk to you later baby girl I miss you.

He had to have been the sweetest man ever. Now I felt horrible for turning my phone off. I already felt so terrible when I left work yesterday that I didn’t think twice about turning off my phone before crawling into the bed.

“Knock-knock…” Esme sang as she walked through my bedroom door carrying a tray. “Oh good, you’re still awake.” She sat down at the end of my bed, placing the filled tray between us.

“I called Carlisle. He said it sounded to him like you have a sinus infection and possibly a touch of bronchitis. He called you in an antibiotic, a decongestant and some cough syrup, all of which I’m having the pharmacy deliver to the house. I made sure he told Peter to have them put a rush on it, so it shouldn’t be too much longer before it gets here. In the mean time, how about some chicken noodle soup and juice?”

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the Cullen’s love and generosity. I looked at Esme and her bright smile and soft eyes and felt my eyes start to sting. For once it wasn’t my illness that was affecting me. My heart was aching because of a mother’s love. How could someone I’ve only known for two months make me feel so loved and adored?

“Thank you so much, Esme. This really means…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence I was so choked up.

“Aww, Sweets. Think nothin’ of it. It’s what I do. You are one of us now, you know. Don’t even get me started on the fact that I’d hate to be on something Edward called a beast list. Do you know what in the sam hill he was talkin’ about?”

I giggled. “Ow.”

“Here…you go on and eat this soup. It will soothe your throat and it’ll help to have something in your stomach so that you can start that antibiotic right away. I’ll go downstairs and wait for the delivery so that you can have some privacy.” She helped me to settle back against the headboard and then set the tray across my lap. She leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead and patted my hand before leaving the room.

By the time I had eaten most of the soup, which did not taste like it came from a can by the way, and drank the juice, Esme was bringing me my medication.

“It looks like my husband prescribed you some kind of horse pill, but he assured me it would help knock out the infection quickly and get you to feelin’ as good as new.”

“I’ve never really had anyone to take care of me before. I’m not usually someone who likes to have much attention or to be fussed over, but this has been really nice of you. I’m so glad you came today. Thank you…for everything.”

“No problem. I’d do it anytime. Now, you need to call my son because for some reason, until he actually hears your voice for himself, he isn’t going to believe that you aren’t at death’s door. After that, get yourself a shower and then crawl back in the bed. I bet it won’t be long before that fever breaks and you’ll start to perk up a little bit. If you don’t mind, I’m going to make myself at home downstairs in case you need me before Edward makes it back.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She left to go back downstairs while I dialed Edward’s number. I don’t even think it finished the first ring before he answered.

“Hey baby girl! Are you alright? I can’t believe you have been sick and haven’t called me.”

I could hear the worry in his voice.

“I’m sorry, sugar. I came home from work yesterday and completely crashed. I had turned my phone off because I didn’t expect a call from you until later. I have been so out of it that I just haven’t thought to turn it back on. Please don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

I heard him sigh into the phone. “I’m not mad at you, lovin’. I just hate that I haven’t been there to take care of you. I could have taken the day off.”

“No you couldn’t have. You have homecoming this week. I know it’s crazy busy and you are needed there. Besides, you tracked me down and ordered your mom to come over and be my nurse. Everything is fine, I promise.”

“Well…I won’t believe it until I can lay eyes on you. And I won’t be goin’ to bed tonight without doin’ just that. So you rest up and I’ll be there to take the night shift in a few hours.”

“Edward…” I whined.

“Bella, I don’t wanna hear anything else about it. It’s final. I’ll be there when you wake up from your nap before supper, ok?”

“I don’t have the strength to tell you no.”

“Hmmm…maybe you shouldn’t try. And be ready for a kiss or two. I miss you baby girl.”

“Me too. I have orders to take a shower before my nap, so I’m going to go. I’ll see you soon sugar.”

“Bye babe.”

After we hung up the phone, I got clean and then took my nap just like I was told to do. And do you know that I was already feeling better by the time Edward got there? I hugged Esme and thanked her for taking such good care of me over and over again. Edward kissed me all over my face and snuggled up with me on the couch until I fell back to sleep.

The words had not been said yet, but I knew that I was loved. For the Cullen’s, it seemed that like the word kiss, love was a verb that was shown through action.

-x-X-x-

I felt good enough later in the week that I had been sick that I was able to make it to the Homecoming game. The halftime show was mainly dedicated to the beautiful girls being led down the field by their escorts and the crowning of the Homecoming queen. Even though the band didn’t perform any new formations, the music was all new. I could tell, once again, that all of Edward’s planning and hard work had paid off. The kids absolutely shined through their musicianship. It was an absolute delight to hear.

Over the next few days while Edward took care of me, he dropped the bomb that Sugar’s was holding an open mic night and that he had signed us, along with Jasper, up for three of their slots. I can only assume he took advantage of the fact that I was sick when he told me because if I would have had the strength, I’m certain I would have kicked his ass. As it was, I put him on the very tip top of the beast list. It was going to take some serious ass kissing to get himself out of this one.

He said he and Jasper would probably do a lot of their songs together, so they planned on sharing their slots. But there was one song that he had been writing during his planning periods at school that he wanted to sing with me. I told him I would do it but only if I got to choose a song that he would sing with me during my stage time. He didn’t hesitate.

Two weekends later we were already into the middle of October and that very night was upon us.

I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick. I had never really played for an audience before, but Edward assured me that most of the people there were just locals and would be drunk anyway so it didn’t really matter. I’m not sure I agreed with his logic.

Alice and Rose had come over to the house and gotten me ready like they did the last time we went to Sugar’s. I had missed getting to spend time with them lately. Aside from our trip to the spa for my birthday, we hadn’t had much time to get together. They thought I was avoiding them because they made me get waxed…you know…down there. I may have been avoiding them a little bit at first, but I decided that I liked the change. I know it was appreciated by Edward when one of our make out sessions got pretty heavy. Hmmm…that train of thought was NOT going to help slow my breathing down any time soon.

I was glad that my time slot was one of the first ones of the night. It helped that there were a few people in front of me so I could see that I wasn’t expected to sound professional, but to just get up there and have fun. I let the girls choose some of my songs in addition to the one I wanted to play with Edward. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t heard it before the last season on American Idol, but I loved the version of Falling Slowly that Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox did together. It was perfect, in more ways than one, for Edward and me.

I included some favorites from Tracy Chapman, Norah Jones, Sarah McLaughlan and Colbie Callait. People sang along, no one louder than Alice and Rose, and everyone clapped, making me feel really good. I hated to admit it, but it really was a lot of fun. Edward was right in that I had no need to feel nervous.

At the end of my session was when Edward and I sang the song that I had chosen for us. Our voices were so complimentary. We both sounded a little bluesy, but where he was rich, warm velvet, I was more simple and raspy. Edward didn’t even need to tell me he had written the song for me when he showed me the words. They were self explanatory and it definitely explained what he had been up to during some of his stalker time…watching me sleep. When I confronted him about it, he just grinned and shrugged his shoulders. Cocky little devil. But the words are so damn sweet I’ll probably need to quit calling him a stalker one of these days. We practiced every night out on the porch swing. After a few tries, it was like we had been singing that song together forever.

Jasper and Edward didn’t play until the very end of the night, putting their sessions back to back. They had obviously been entertaining this crowd for years. People in the audience would yell out all kinds of different songs and they never turned anyone down. They really put on a show, playing for over an hour easily. Their requests included everything from Ray Lamontagne, Van Morrison, Snow Patrol, Brad Paisley, Kenney Chesney, Jason Mraz, Weezer…you name it; they played it. It was awesome!

No matter how many times Edward and I had played together out on the porch it didn’t prepare me for how ridiculously good he would look on that stage behind a microphone, just him and his guitar. He was at home there, or at least it seemed like he was. I knew Nashville hadn’t been kind to him and that he was just a kid who got disillusioned by the dream of stardom, not knowing what it was really about. But seeing him on that stage tonight made me wonder if he ever regretted not giving it one more try. I thought he was a natural.

Towards the end of the night the boys started to play slower songs. Alice didn’t know it, but I had practiced with Jasper a few times and we sang Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait for her. She squealed like a school girl, not like a woman who had indeed been married for the better part of a decade. After that, it was finally my turn to sing with Edward again.

“I wrote this song and the one I’m gonna play after it for my baby girl. I hope you like ‘em,” he said to the crowd while looking right at me, giving me his famous mischievous grin.

My eyes widened in disbelief. I knew about our song, but he had written another one? Good Lord I love this man so much I can’t even stand him! I didn’t have time to give it any more consideration because he started playing the first chords to our song.

Been up all night staring at you

Wondering what's on your mind

I’ve been this way with so many before

but this feels like the first time

You want the sunrise to go back to bed

I want to make you laugh

Mess up my bed with me

Kick off the covers I'm waiting

Every word you say I think

I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

Happy to lay here

Just happy to be here

I'm happy to know you

Play me a song

Your newest one

Please leave your taste on my tongue

Paperweight on my back

Cover me like a blanket

Mess up my bed with me

Kick off the covers I'm waiting

Every word you say I think

I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

And no need to worry

That's wastin time

And no need to wonder

What's been on my mind

it's you

it's you

it's you

Every word you say I think

I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

And I give up

I let you win

You win cause I'm not counting

You made it back

To sleep again

Wonder what you're dreaming

The crowd cheered even louder this time than they had the time before, including Rose giving us a shrill two fingered whistle. I started to get off of my stool so that Edward could play his last song, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to him.

“Stay. I want to be able to look into your eyes when I sing this. I’ve given everyone else enough attention tonight, don’t you think? It’s your turn.”

I wish to God he’d go ahead and kill me because if I wasn’t already done in by his green eyes or his sexy southern drawl, it was his insanely sweet words. And now he was going to sing the damn things while giving me a stare down. I should have had one of Sugar’s Alabama Slammers.

Jasper joined us on the stage again, only he sat slightly behind and to the other side of Edward this time.

“This song is called She’s Got a Way with Me and I’ll just tell y’all, that’s puttin’ it lightly. To you baby girl.” He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss before he and Jasper started playing together.

It’s a gentle touch, but more than enough

She can stop this ole world from spinnin’ too much

It’s a natural thing and I do believe

I found my reason to be

She’s got a way with me

She’s got a way with me

I’m not the same man since she’s been around

There’s more to this life, I’ve suddenly found

I look at myself now so differently

It’s her love that brings me peace

She’s got a way with me

She’s got a way with me

Whatever it is, I’ll always be under her spell

She’ll always be all I’ll ever need

I could search the whole world

And I know I’d never find

Someone perfect as her for me

Suddenly it’s something

You just can’t live without

Oh, you know you found love

Beyond any doubt

With a simple man’s words

I can never convey all that I feel when I say

She’s got a way with me

She’s got a way with me


I didn’t even let Edward put his guitar down before leaping off of my stool and attacking his mouth. I didn’t care that we were making out in front of a room full of people, some I knew but most I didn’t. I kissed him so hard and so deep and so good, he would still taste me in the morning.

With my hands fully tangled in his hair, I released his mouth long enough to say one thing to him.

“Take me home. I’m not waiting anymore.”

He had a fire in his eyes that was so bright and so intense, I couldn’t be sure that he didn’t burn me with it. We said quick goodbyes to the others, grabbed our guitars and left out of the back entrance.

Once the door shut behind us he dropped his guitar on the ground, turned towards me and shoved me up against the side of the building. He grabbed the back of my thigh and hitched it up over his hip, grinding into me while he kissed down my neck towards my chest. Edward had been such a gentleman; always tender and loving up until this point. But right now he was giving me exactly what I wanted; what we needed. In that moment it was nothing but two months worth of built up want, need and desire. All of these emotions had been on the brink of overflowing for weeks and we were finally ready to just drown in them all.

-x-X-x-

Getting upstairs proved to be just as problematic as getting from the bar to the truck. We were unable to stop touching and kissing long enough to make it up more than three steps at a time.

These kisses weren’t as dire as the ones from just minutes earlier. They were more reminiscent of the ones that Edward usually used to pour all of his passion and tenderness into me. I loved them all and couldn’t get enough.

I led him into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

“C’mere,” he called to me, holding out his hand from where he sat at the foot of my bed.

I walked over to him, standing between his legs as he looked up at me.

“You are so beautiful, Bella. I have wanted you, needed you since the first time that I saw you. Before we do this, I want you to know that you are it for me. There hasn’t been anyone in six very long years and from tonight on, there will never be anyone else. You have brought me to life. You have given me a reason to breathe. I’m not alone in the crowd anymore. I have already given you my heart. This is all I that I have left to give you. I love you with everything that I have. Please say you’ll let me love you.”

Tears were streaming down my face as I held his cheeks between my hands. I had never heard words that were so sweet, so true, and so heartfelt. All I wanted was to be his completely. My words were caught in my throat because it was so thick with emotion. I nodded my head as I leaned down to meet his lips.

He stood up and began to slowly undress me like this was the last Christmas he was ever going to have and I was his only gift. It was almost torturous just how much he was taking his time, but I also wanted to savor every touch, every look.

Once our shirts and pants had been peeled away leaving us in our underwear, we settled back onto the bed with him hovering over me. He kissed down my chest, removing my bra as he went. When I could no longer caress the muscles in his back, I alternated between tracing his jaw line and tangling my fingers in his hair. He teased me mercilessly until I couldn’t even think straight.

No more words had been said because at this point they weren’t needed. Every touch was filled with everything we thought and felt.

When we could no longer stand to have any barriers between us, we removed the rest of each other’s clothes. I took those brief moments to touch and stroke him everywhere my hands could reach, causing him to make noises that were making my eyes roll back into my head. He was propped on his elbows over me looking longingly into my eyes. He brushed away the hair that had fallen across my face and down my cheek bone with the back of his hand, stopping at my lip to remove it from my teeth.

“Be mine,” he whispered.

“I am yours. Love me, Edward.”

The side of his mouth drew up in a slight smile before he pulled my legs up and pushed into me. That was the first moment of my forever. I gasped because I had never felt so full, so complete.

“Fuck,” he groaned.

I opened my eyes to meet his as he continued to stare down at me. I had never heard that word come from his mouth before, and in this moment, it wasn’t crude in any way. It was hot and sexy and full of raw emotion.

“I didn’t know, baby girl. I had no idea,” he panted.

His words weren’t making any sense but I understood what he meant. Neither one of us knew it would feel this good, that we would be this good together. It was unbelievable that we had never been together in this way before now. It was undeniable that we would never be with anyone else ever again.

We moved together, pushing and pulling, skin against skin. There were whispered words between moans of pleasure, each one bringing us closer to our climax. I couldn’t feel enough of him, even with my arms around his neck and my heels digging into him from behind, pulling him closer. His arms were bent underneath mine with his hands clasped over my shoulders from the back so that he could have more leverage to push harder into me.

“So close baby girl. Please…with me,” he panted into the crook of my neck where he was placing wet kisses.

“I’m there Sugar. Just let go. I’m with you.” With his next thrust my body shook and squeezed around him. He followed close behind me, rocking gently and unevenly into me until we were both completely spent and completely sated.

He rested his forehead against my breastbone, occasionally placing chaste kisses there. His hair was a riotous mess where I had pulled and twisted it. He continued to hold onto me, but rolled us to our sides so that we could stare at each other.

“This is real, right? You’re real and you’re here and you’re mine?”

“I’ll be yours forever, if that’s how long you want me,” he said, kissing the end of my nose.

I swallowed hard, trying to find the words that I had been working up to saying to him for weeks. I had just made love with him, felt him in every fiber of my being both inside and out, but I had never done this before. I had never said those words, not even to the man I spent over a year with. This was everything. He was everything.

Every one of our limbs was still tangled together and just as he was drifting off to sleep, I whispered against his mouth, “I love you, Edward.”

-x-X-x-

EPOV

I had been dreaming of Bella and me sitting out on the porch in our swing on a crisp fall day. We were playing lazy songs on dueling guitars, merely enjoying each other’s company against the backdrop of the crimson and orange leaves that were beginning to litter the ground. I opened my eyes to discover that it wasn’t quite a dream. Well, not that exact dream. Really it was more like a fantasy.

Bella was sitting up in the bed bathed in the faint rays of the early morning light that was coming through the sheer curtains from behind her bed. Her hair was everywhere like it always was when she woke up and she had pillow creases along one cheek. Only her lap was covered by the white sheet that had been wrapped around us. The rest of her was shielded by her guitar and she was strumming softly. When my eyes caught hers, she began to sing in a sweet, quiet voice.

If I had it my way, this would be the first time

That I made love

And I would be the first girl that your hands touched

But we've both done our share of livin'

Taking chances we've been given

I've never been too big on looking back

I don't care if I'm your first love,

But I'd love to be your last

If I could do it over I'd have waited for this moment

So I could give my heart to you unbroken

But if our mistakes brought us together

Does it really matter whether

We were saints or sinners in the past?

I don't care if I'm your first love,

But I'd love to be your last

All I know is what I see when I look at you

And what I see when I look at you

And all I see is what I'm feeling down inside

And all I'm feeling is this feeling

That I've finally got it right

When I wake up tomorrow I'm gonna wrap my arms around you

And thank my lucky stars I found you

Cause I know your heart has so much more than anyone has

Touched before, and nothing matter more to me than that

I don't care if I'm your first love,

But I'd love to be your last

She stilled the strings of her guitar and looked up at me almost shyly, her cheeks slightly pink. She took a deep breath before she started talking.

“You aren’t the only one who gets inspired enough to write songs. I’ve never really been taught to always say what I’m feeling and I may not be very good at it, but you make me want to discover how to do just that. You make me smile for no reason. You make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. You give me butterflies just by looking at me and when you touch me, I literally feel like I’m on fire. When you aren’t with me, I miss you so much it hurts. I have probably loved you from the first moment that I saw you. I’ve known that I do for weeks. I have wanted to say it but I kept it inside, not because I didn’t completely mean it, but because I had to know you felt the same way, that you needed me as much as I need you. I love you, Edward…more than what is probably healthy or sane, but I do. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you last night when you said such beautiful things to me, but I hope you’ll accept my words now.”

Normally I wasn’t a crying man, but I was having a really hard time trying to hold my shit together. The girl that I was crazy about, that I loved more than my next breath, had just told me she loved me in a way that only we would understand or appreciate. Music spoke where words couldn’t. This time, she had managed to speak to me in both languages.

I placed her guitar on the floor before leaning forward to caress her face. She was stunning in the morning light especially now that nothing was blocking my view. She was all shades of creams and blushes and she was completely mine.

“I must have used all of my words last night. You have completely blown me away baby girl.” I continued to trace every curve of her body with my finger, never looking away from her chocolate eyes. “I have no idea what I did to deserve to have you tell me such wonderful things. But I swear to you that I’ll do everything I can, for the rest of my life, to make sure that you never regret saying those words. I love you to pieces, my most precious thing.”

I kissed each of her eyelids, wiping away the last of her tears. When I pulled away, she rewarded me with a beaming smile. I kissed her smiling lips sweetly before nipping at her bottom lip and then tasting her tongue with mine. We easily picked up where we left off last night, savoring every touch, exploring even further than we had before.

I don’t remember a lot of specific days in my life, but this one…this is one I knew would be burned into my memory. It was the first day of the rest of my life with Bella.