Just A Kiss Bonus #4 Chapter 21

Edward’s Journal

April 3, 2011

The best weekend I’ve had…maybe ever.  Mom & Dad made it down for the games.  Bella was a nervous wreck meeting them.  She had no reason to be.  They love her already.  When Mom doesn’t like someone, it’s written all over her face and she kind of only speaks when spoken to.  At dinner last night, she was smiling and laughing and asking Bella a million and one questions.  First general stuff…about her family, her hometown, and her major.  Then about how we met, even though she already knew.  She’s just a sucker for a love story, I think.  Dad…he was quiet at first, which he always is…always making his mind up before getting too involved first.  He always does that…for protection, I guess.  But it didn’t take him any time before he was cracking jokes…LAME jokes…but that’s my dad.

We won the entire series, putting us in first place in the conference for now.  I hit well and somehow avoided errors with my mind sometimes wandering off into the stands where I knew my girl was watching.

She was really the reason the weekend was the best.  Being with her…in every way…in several ways...it’s everything.  It’s so easy to get lost in her, just let everything go.  No thinking about homework or grades, about people who only want to use me, about baseball. 

Well…that’s not entirely true…sometimes I have to think about baseball.  She just feels that good.  

April 10, 2011  

Our baseball schedule is so busy right now.  It’s like we have a game every other day.  That’s how it is in college baseball, though.  I like it because I love the game.  But I miss my time with Bella.  We don’t even get all of our study hall time because of the weekday games.  She understands and is so awesome about it all but…why couldn’t we have started this earlier in the year when I had more free time?  Not gonna lie…it sucks that my ball season is right before we leave for the summer.  We’ll need to talk about that before long…what we’re going to do…how often we’ll try to see each other.

May 12, 2011

She always knows when something’s bothering me.  She calls me out when I’m quiet…well, quieter than usual, I guess.  She doesn’t let anything get between us.  She is bolder in our relationship than I ever thought she’d be and I love it. 

She’s always up for an adventure.  Most of my weekends are occupied which sucks complete ass.  I don’t think I’ve gotten to take her out on a real date yet.  But she never complains.  She even finds ways to surprise me.  She met me at my apartment this afternoon with two dozen doughnut holes and on the bag she had written “I’m going to miss you a ‘hole’ bunch”.  Equal parts cheesy and cute.  I loved it.  But what I really loved was the send-off she gave me.

God she’s sexy without even trying.  She’s giving and I swear there are days when all I want to do is take…take it all…her mouth, her tits, her sex…

Shit…cold shower time.

May 17, 2011

I didn’t know welcomes could get any better, but as usual, I’m wrong.  Sometimes texts and calls just aren’t enough.  I crave…I need the physical contact with her.  I love watching her fair skin pebble with goose bumps just from whispering in her ear.  I love the blush she gets from the waist up when I take her shirt off.  I love the wrinkle she gets between her eyebrows right before she calls ‘bullshit’ on me.  I love how sometimes she laughs so hard she snorts and it embarrasses the hell out of her.  I love how she groans and pulls my hair when I stick my tongue in her belly button…and lower.  I love the smoothness of the insides of her knees when they brush against my ears when I’m…

Damn it.  We only have a few weeks left in school.  Fuck the no weekday sleepover rule.

May 22, 2011

Regular season baseball is over for another year.  Only the conference tournament, Regionals…and possibly the College World Series to go.

It’s also our last full week of school.  I usually love summers.  Carefree.  Sun.  Nothing but free time.

None of it will be fun without her.  Our plan is to see each other every three weeks.  Talk every day…all the time.  Unlimited texts.  It won’t be the same. 

I’m glad she’ll be coming to the post season games, even though if we win, I have no idea how I’ll keep from jumping her in front of God and everybody right out on the field.

June 24, 2011

I miss her.  I miss holding her hand.  My pillow doesn’t smell the same.  It smells like me.  All of my t-shirts are present and accounted for.  Well, except for the one.  It kind of sucks not teasing her about missing half of my wardrobe, only for her to bring it back freshly laundered…in her detergent.  Sly little thing.  I really liked it when she ‘accidentally’ left her black lacy panties in my basket.

Two more weeks until I get to see her.  She’s coming to Lucy’s beach wedding and I can’t wait to see her…and other things.  My hand is getting a little tired…especially after her dirty good morning texts that are usually followed by some kind of picture that she makes me swear to delete.

She doesn’t need to know that I email myself the picture…print it…stick it in an envelope in what looks like a long forgotten book…and THEN delete it.

If Mom ever finds them…

July 11, 2011

I need to move.  Or next summer we’re both going to have to find a way to take summer classes.  I can’t do this again…this being away from her.  I will say that our…reunions…are more desperate.  More intense.  I didn’t know there was such a thing.  I’m not the only impatient one.  That Cosmo shit has really come in handy.  Who knew?

She was beautiful in her dress, white with aqua blue flowered trim.  She looked sweet and innocent.  Her blush helped that.  That was because at first my hand just rested comfortably on her knee, my middle finger making tiny circles just on the inside…teasing her.  Hoping that gave her ideas for later.  It worked.  I saw her squeeze her legs together tighter.

And sex on the beach…not as tricky as you’d think at night and bikinis…may they never go out of style.

Just over a month until we’re back in school.

August 8, 2011

Okay.  I get it now.  Mother-hovers.  And Emmett was on vacation with Rosalie’s family, giving Bella and I zero alone time at night.  But we’re getting good at being sneaky in public.  I never knew I’d be that guy.  But Bella seems to find a thrill in doing something when there’s the possibility of being caught.  Must be why she stayed in so much trouble when she was younger.  Her ‘daredevil’ side is hot, I gotta say. 

We did have our first fight, though, which completely sucked and…well, it was totally funny.  She’s competitive…like really competitive.  We went to an arcade just to get out of the house and have something fun to do.  A real date (though thankfully not our first anymore.)  We played air hockey and ping pong and she threw a fit, swearing I was going easy on her and letting her win.

Um…I wish.  She’s just that good.  But she gets it in her head that I’m good at everything.  I held my own, but Emmett has taught her well.  She threw the paddle down and stormed off.  I found her over by the claw game, not knowing what in the hell I’d done.  Still not sure I really do.

But some snuggles and some apologies and some kisses…and winning her a Smurfette six dollars later seemed to smooth things over.

Fighting sucks…but making up is fun.

…

December 12, 2012

She wants to be engaged for a year.  She needs a year, she says.  Taking classes this summer was beyond brilliant.  I finished out the requirements for my math minor and it allowed her to start nursing school a semester earlier.  Now, we’ll graduate six months apart instead of a year.  Gives me time to find a job…on my own (get off my back, Dad.)

She wanted to go into social work at first but after being around Lucy so much and even visiting the children’s ward where she works…she changed her mind.  She wanted to be involved with hands on care.

That’s my girl.  Always taking care of someone.  Usually me. 

Find out what kind of ring she wants.  Check.

Have Rose sneak a ring out of Bella’s jewelry box for sizing purposes.  Check.

Have diamond set and pick it up.  Pray Bella doesn’t find out.  Check

Beg Mrs. Cope to help with the set up.  Check.  (Remind Dad to make a contribution to the library.)

Write out clues and stick them in her favorite books, hidden around the library.  Check.

Ask for her help on a last minute project.  (Check.)

When she finds me in ‘our corner’, ask her to be mine forever.  (Beg if you have to.)

…

January 4, 2014

It’s finally here…today she’ll become Isabella Marie Cullen.  It will no longer be just my name on her back, but it will be ours and it’ll be on her finger and hopefully always in her heart.

I was wrong all those years ago.  THIS will be the best weekend ever.

Just A Kiss Chapter 20

I tug on his hair to get his attention.

“Babe?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” he chuckles.

I move to sit up, still naked and not caring. 

“I’m being serious.”

“Oh…well, what’s wrong?  Did you not…like…what we just did?”

I love him.  But as smart as he is, he’s a complete idiot sometimes.

“Um…no, I mean…yes, I liked that.  Really…liked that.  But what I want to know is,” I take a deep breath and let it out.  This shouldn’t be so difficult.  Okay…here goes.

“Okay, we both said we were ready…for everything.  To have sex…make love…whatever…and I know why we waited, but we’ve been back a week now and I guess I was just kind of expecting…I don’t know…that maybe we would have done it by now.  I mean, we’ve had the ‘exes’ talk and the ‘virgin or not’ talk and the ‘safety and protection’ talk and for the love of God I’ve heard enough from Emmett and the mother-hovers to last a lifetime about the ‘tab A goes into slot B’ talks.  Just…are you changing your mind?  Are you not ready?”

Whew…God that sucked.  Oh, here comes the blush.  Huh, full body this time, it would seem.  Nice touch, Bella.

He blinks his long, blond-tipped eyelashes, slowly, two…three times before he answers me.

“I’m…I think I’m just a little nervous,” he sighs.

What?  But he’s the one with the actual experience.  How in the hell is this gonna work if he’s nervous?

“But…why?  It’s just me…and you…and everything has been great so far, us learning each other as we go, I mean.  Did I do something wrong?”

“No…no, no, Pretty.  C’mere,” he sighs, pulling me over onto his lap, straddling him.

He holds me close, so close and sure…confusing me even more.

“Bella…I love you,” he says between soft kisses placed across my shoulder and collarbone.  “And I want you…God, so much.  Holding back has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

His eyes are dark in the dim light, but they’re imploring, begging me to believe him.

“I want to kiss and taste every inch of you, every curve, every crease…ravish you until you beg me to stop.”

I whimper at the thought and when I do I feel him smile against my skin, then kissing…always kissing.  “But I’m just a typical guy, a little worried about performance I guess—“

My eyes snap to his.  “What?” I interrupt.  My hand to God, that better not be it.  Performance anxiety?

“Shhh.  Let me finish.”  I bite his finger that’s pressed against my lips.

“No matter what, it’ll be good for me,” he chuckles darkly.  “But,” he continues, nuzzling my neck and behind my ear, “I just want it to be that way for you…not painful or uncomfortable, and I know there’s no way around it. You’re so beautiful and so soft and so warm but I know I’ll need to take my time with you.  It kills me that I’ll probably hurt you no matter how slow and easy I take it…if I even can.”

His words are sweet and honest, covering me like honey.  How will I ever love him more than I do in this very moment?

“But the hurt won’t last, Edward.  Think of it as a necessary evil,” I joke, trying to lighten his spirits.

He growls in response and I lean forward, pushing on his shoulders and shifting our weight until he’s on his back beneath me and it’s my turn to hover.

“There may be a short time where it’s uncomfortable, but there are ways to make it a little easier, more tolerable.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure.  We’ll help each other through it.  I honestly don’t care if I have an orgasm or not the first time.  Most girls don’t.  What I want,” I say, tracing the square of his jaw, kissing the dimple in his chin, “is just to be with you.  I want the intimacy…to know that you only want me.  I want to absorb every bit of everything you have to give me.  I want the gentle affection of love making…the frenzied passion of fucking…I want it all because I want it with you.

“My heart belongs to you already.  All I have left to give you is my body.  So don’t be nervous.  Don’t be afraid.  I’m not going to judge you.”

“I love you,” he says, first a little awestruck and then demanding, pulling me down to crash our lips together.  His tongue searches my mouth, tasting me and taking part of my soul with him when he’s done.

I kiss down his neck, down his chest, playfully thumb across his tiny nipples, and then inch my way further south.  I remove his pajama pants and allow them to join my panties.

I softly kiss up the insides of his legs, all tight and muscled and manly, the coarse hairs tickling my nose.  When he sees where I want to be he groans and pants and finally gives in, threading his fingers through my hair.

“What are you doing to me, Pretty,” he mumbles, more of a praise than a question.

“I’m loving you, the only way I can…for now.”

 I take him in my mouth, full and thick, and follow his cues; his moans when he really likes it, his pants when he’s getting too close and I need to back off.  I kiss him and lick him and love him until he begs me to move…which I do because that part’s going to take some practice.

When we’re both cleaned and sated and relaxed, we crawl into bed, completely naked and snuggled close. 

I’m glad we talked.  I understand now.  As much as I want the heat of the moment, because of my virginity, it will take some planning, some finesse.  And I’m okay with that. 

“You’re not mad?  Or disappointed,” he asks from over my shoulder.

“Not even a little bit.  It will happen when it’s supposed to and it will be beautiful.”  I turn in his arms, and kiss his red lips until I’m love-drunk and drowsy.

I fall asleep easily wrapped up inside of his warm Edward cocoon, his heart beat playing my favorite song.  I dream of forehead kisses and hair twirls, of nipple teases and hip squeezes.

I dream of Edward whispering in my ear, along my skin.  I dream of goose bumps and arousal that’s hot and slick and thick and hard.

“Bella…Pretty,” he murmurs, coaxing me awake from what may not have been slumber after all.

He cups my breast, squeezing gently, then harder, tugging my nipple between his fingers.

He kisses me between my shoulder blades making me shiver as full alertness joins full arousal.

“I didn’t tell you everything,” he whispers.

“Hmm?”  I’m coherent but not, and it’s definitely his fault. 

Desire, heavy with lust and love, courses through my veins as he rolls me to my back, touching, tasting…testing.

“I wanted to wait to make love to you when you knew it was about how I felt about you and not on the coattails of a horny victory high.”

My eyes flash open and meet his.

He…what?

“I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out yet,” he says.  He draws lazy circles around my breast and down my sternum and around my belly button; a veritable circuit of turn-me-on and feel-good.

“Figured what out?”

“I know it’s quick and I know it’s scary, but Bella…I just want you to know, before we go any farther, that this is what I want.  You are what I want.  In every way.  For every day of forever.  Will you let me show you?

I nod because I have no words.  Only love and unshed tears.

He kisses me and touches me until I’m so ready I can’t stand it.  No longer tentative, I pull him over on top of me, cradling him between my legs.

I feel him at my entrance, silky and solid, and I want to push my hips into him.  Oh, how I want to.  But I need to let him lead.  He needs it and so do I.

With eyes on mine and lips bitten by both, slowly, so slowly, he lines up and pushes into me.  And I take it…take him…all of him.

There’s not weeping or gnashing of teeth or even pain.  We’ve played enough in the last month to overcome any of those things.  He’s obviously bigger, deeper than anything else that’s ever been there before.  But what I feel isn’t discomfort.  No…it’s fullness.  Fullness from how he fits inside of me.  Overflowing from how he’s stolen and filled up my heart.

“It’s okay,” I reassure him once I realize he’s shaking.  “I’m okay.  Just, go slow.”

He pulls out, probably only half way, and then pushes into me again.  Then more and more until my hips find the rhythm of his and we’re in sync, pushing and pulling, giving and taking.

One of his hands is cupped around my shoulder from behind and the other skims the outside side of my leg until it finds its home in the bend of my knee, pulling, raising, widening.

Sometimes he slows, catching his breath while I kiss his shoulders and biceps.  Sometimes he grunts when he hits a spot so right and so deep that we both teeter on the edge.

And when our tongues find the rhythm that matches the one of our hips, he lowers his hand, reaching down between us, and touches me until I see stars.  And then his final few thrusts are deep and frantic until he joins me on the euphoric side.  Loved.

Blissed and blessed.

For someone who was so worried…well…that was excellent.

“You okay, Pretty?” he mumbles into my neck as I trace the sweaty, muscled lines of his back.

“Mmm…so okay.  You?”

“Better than.”

For the second time in one night, we clean, then cuddle; my head on his shoulder and his hands in my hair.

I’m dying to know something and can’t help but to ask.

“Edward?”

“Hmm?”

His voice is gruff and thick with almost-sleep this time.

“Can I ask you something?”

A chuckle.  “You just did.”

I bite him.  It’s our thing.

“Where did you learn that thing you did?  Touching me at the end?”

He groans and starts to roll away from me.

“What?  Hey, where are you going?  Look at me!”

I hear him swallow and then his sleepy eyes slightly open and see me where I’m leaning over him, waiting not-so patiently.  “Well?”

“Swear not to laugh?”

I quirk my eyebrow at him, instead.

“Bella…swear.”

“Fine…I swear.”  Big baby.

He covers his face and mumbles and I think I know what he said, but I just want to be sure.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.  What was that?”

“Cosmo, alright?  Fucking Cosmo!” he growls.

And I love him even more. 

I was intrigued even before I heard the crunch-crunch sound of his cleats against the library’s tiled floor.  I was twitterpated when he held my hand and walked me to my dorm.  I was in love with just a kiss.

Everything else he is or does is just so much more than I expected and definitely more than I deserve.  I’m a lucky girl.  I’ve been marked and branded as his and he is mine.

“I love you…forever,” I tell him.

“I love you forever, too, Pretty.”

Just A Kiss Chapter 19

We’ve been back from spring break for a week and I still can’t believe Edward showed up at my house.  He is the best ‘fuck you/thank you’ gift that Emmett has ever gotten me.  I doubt he’ll ever out-do that one.

Mother-hover number one (Renée) isn’t as bad-as a general rule-as Mother-hover number two (Renata) is.  Must be the difference in the mother-daughter, mother-son relationship.

My mom gets it.  Yes, she wants to know what’s going on in my life and with whom…that’s normal.  And…okay…sometimes she might cringe at the thought that I might actually have a hard time with something…always wanting to step in and save the day…but Aunt Rena-as I call her-man…she takes the cake.  I don’t know how many times Emmett and I have been having conversations in his living room and she will put down whatever she’s in the middle of doing just because she could only hear bits and pieces and she needs to know every detail of what we were saying.

Insert eye roll.  There’s no way Emmett should be as normal as he is or still love his mother the way he does.

I was nervous about Edward meeting Charlie.  Mainly because he likes to put on a good show.  He knows I’m no angel, him being the one to have made Emmett and I stay a night…or two…in a jail cell before, so he doesn’t even pretend to worry about me in that way.  But when it comes to my heart…he’s a fierce protector.  He’s seen me experience heartache and maybe even a little bit of heartbreak at the hands of careless boys in the past.  But I’m sure that even he can tell that this time…with Edward…well, it’s just different.  I’m different when I’m thinking about him, different when I’m talking about him, and when Dad saw us for the first time together, he saw for himself how different I am with him.  I’m sure it scared him.  Sometimes it still scares me.

I want Edward.  I need him.  I love him.

I love how he looks at me, still sometimes shy and unsure, but ever gaining confidence.  How his green eyes almost glow when he’s excited or up to something entirely wicked.  How they’re a kaleidoscope of aquas and emeralds when he’s whispering needy words and loving me in the same way.  How sometimes he clenches them to shut everything else out when he’s quickly losing control…and how sometimes I’m the one who’s making him do that.

I love how he touches me, hands rough and calloused from leather gloves and baseballs and bat grips, but also gentle and so tender that goose bumps chase the trail his fingertips leave.

I love how he makes me feel, like I’m all there is that’s good and right and beautiful in his world.

He’s fun and playful, witty and smart, beautiful and strong.  When I’m with him I want for nothing.  When I’m without him, I need everything.

I’ve been expecting every time that we’re together that our physical relationship is going to progress, like we had already said it would.  We both admitted that we’re ready.  But just like in the beginning…which seems like way more than just over a month ago…there’s something holding him back.

And I’m going to find out.

I watch the last inning of their Friday night game with Rosalie and Alice ever flanking my sides.  The Skank and bitches have decided that I’m not worth the effort, even if Edward is, and have moved on to Liam O’Connell, today’s starting pitcher.  He’s a south pawed senior with scouts drooling over him, so the draw to him is even more magnetic…at least to them.

Edward’s hair has gotten longer in the last month, the ends damp and curling around the edges of his batting helmet.  He takes some practice swings in the batter’s circle, slow and easy, stretching and rhythmic.  I’m hypnotized by the lines of his lean body. 

It doesn’t help that they’re in the pinstripes again. 

As the player in front of him belts a line drive over the second baseman’s head, Edward taps his bat on the ground to release the doughnut style weight and coolly strides forward to take his place in the batter’s box.  The opposing team’s pitcher is right handed today, so Edward goes with batting left. 

Sexy.  It’s like he can do it any damn way he wants.  Or maybe I’m just thinking he can do me any way he wants.  Shit, I need to talk to him!

The first pitch is high and inside.  He’s patient, not taking it.  The next pitch is in the dirt, allowing the runner on first to steal second base.  He reads the field as he waits for the catcher to have a little pow-wow on the mound to calm down the pitcher.  The pitcher shakes his head, shakes his head again, and then nods.  He checks his runner then zips the ball right down the middle of the plate and Edward pulls the ball, sailing it long and high to right field. 

I’m screaming and clapping, watching him round first and dart to second.  He slides into the bag, popping up at the last second as the umpire declares him safe.

He takes a second to brush off the dust of the red clay, remove his batting gloves and tuck them into his back pocket.

Dammit.  He’s just porn in pinstripes.

The next two at bats are successful and our team wins the first game of the weekend series.

Thank God!  This conversation will be much easier when he’s already happy and horny from their victory.  Add in a pair of power panties and I’m all set.

When the guys meet up with us girls after the game is over, we give them our congratulatory smooches…and they get in their victory gropes.

Some things never change…and thank the Lord for that! 

Edward and I are asked to join the others for dinner and a movie, but Edward hurriedly declines and I briefly think that maybe the conversation won’t be necessary; maybe he’s finally ready for real.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” he asks, tickling my arm with sweet tracings of dirty words as we lie facing each other on his bed.

“As ready as I’m going to be.  Should I be nervous?”

His parents are driving down for tomorrow’s double header and I’m meeting them for the first time.  But he just went through the same rite of relationship passage, so I figure I’m due after all that craziness.

“Nah.  My dad…while he’s very…stiff, I guess…in his business life, he actually has always left his business at the office when it came to something for me or Lucy.  He’ll be his casual self tomorrow, so don’t worry.”

“And your mom?” I ask, scooting closer to him and nuzzling my face into the fine hair sprinkled across his fine pecs.

“She’ll hate you immediately.  You’re the girl who’s defiling her baby boy, after all,” he teases, which earns him a love bite right over his left nipple.

That earns me a groan and a hair tug.

For the love…let the races begin!

I continue placing wet kisses across his warm, bare chest when he grunts, “She’ll love you…because I do.”

I suck on his collarbone causing his long fingers to curl into the delicate skin of my hips.

I move up his body, getting closer, feeling hotter as he runs his hands up under my loose t-shirt (that’s really his) and traces his thumbs across my hardened nipples.

“I love you, too,” I whisper into his ear.

That does it. 

He rolls us over until he’s hovering above me.

See moms…this is the correct and acceptable way to hover.

“Those words,” he whispers, rocking his thinly pajama clad hips into mine, hitting me…ung…right there.

“Those words own me.  They’re everything.”  He thrusts again, up and back and once more, and it’s so right…and so wrong. 

Too many clothes.

And it seems that he does read minds.  He kisses a tickly, scruffy trail down my breastbone, pushing up my shirt and then continuing down the middle of my belly, at first I think stopping for a moment to playfully bite, but no…to dip his tongue into my belly button, making everything below it blaze with fire.

His eyes meet mine in the soft light from the bedside lamp and I see a hunger in them that I never have before.  It’s thrilling and heady and the butterflies swarm because it’s really happening.

He drags the soft scruff of his chin back and forth along the top of my panty line, making me crazy with lust and want.

He bites the hem and pulls them down, surprising me so much I begin to giggle.

“What?” he grins, discarding my cotton bikini panties to the side...somewhere.

“Well, it tickles, number one and number two…oh!” I gasp.  Edward’s eyes still haven’t left mine but he’s between my legs and teasing the inside of my thigh…with his tongue!  And he’s close...so very close to…

“Aahh!” I squeal.  He’s bitten me but when I look down, he’s definitely not laughing as he sucks the skin between my leg and my…oohh, hey now…between his beautiful lips, marking me as his.  And I so am.

I grip the sheets, twisting them, shocked at my not-so-shy man.

“I want this,” he growls.  “I want you, Pretty…all of you.”

Before I can even respond I’m overwhelmed by the feeling of hot breath and wet lips and the vibration of a hum as he flattens his tongue against me…licking me…kissing me…there.

I feel like I should be mortified that he doing…that…there…but I’m just not.  I’m too busy being melted into the mattress by his lingual talents of which I knew absolutely nothing about.

Without my permission, my hips push forward, seeking out his tongue, more swirling, more friction, more…just fucking more!

He’s nipping and sucking and tasting and when I feel him teasing, then fingering, I die.  I die of bright star bursts behind my eyelids and curled toes and arched backs and his name on my lips and his lingering kisses where I’m overly sensitive and still throbbing.

Edward rolls to the side from between my legs, his head resting on my stomach as he draws an imaginary maze along the tops of my thighs, relaxing me further as I thread my fingers through his hair.

And as our breathing begins to even out, I realize that not only did we not actually make love like I thought we would, but we’re both about to fall asleep!  And I still have no answers!

Oh, no sir.

Just A Kiss Bonus #3 Chapter 18

Edward’s Journal #3

March 5, 2011

This is our first away series of the season and I can honestly say…it kind of sucks.  I don’t really remember caring one way or the other before…if we were out of town or not.  A game’s a game.  Obviously rivals are more fun to play, but this is just another team within our conference.  We beat them by two last night and lost by one today.  Too many errors and our relief pitcher…wasn’t much of a relief.  He worked Emmett’s ass off in the last inning with all those wild throws.  Hopefully tomorrow goes better.

Losing the game isn’t the worst part.  It’s being away from Bella.  Is that weird?   I’ve gotten so used to being with her every chance I get.  Our alone time and our long conversations, texting between classes and flirting with next to no words…and now…our physical relationship.  Yeah…I really miss that.

She’s gorgeous and giving and so funny.  I think I miss her friendship as much as all the other stuff. 

March 9, 2011

The good thing about being away?  Coming home.  What a fucking welcome!  My girl was waiting at my door with dinner (pizza from our favorite place) and more kisses than I could count.  Later she gave my tired muscles a massage and then really worked me up before helping me relax again.  But my mom raised a gentleman, so I was sure to reciprocate.  Afterwards, we were so tired that we may have broken the “no week day sleep over rule” and she may have been a tad late to class the next morning…hence the rule.

I’d be lying like a dog if I said I was sorry.

March 15, 2011

Fewer words are winding up on these pages it seems.  I save them for Bella.  I want her to know everything.  I want to know everything about her in return.  She has an essay due in her English class on Thursday, so she had to miss practice this afternoon.  It wasn’t the same without her.  I like her watching me where I’m most confident.  I know who I am when I’m out on that field.  I’m learning more about who I want to be when I’m with her.

She makes it impossible to hold anything back when I’m holding her in my arms.  I don’t remember feeling this way about anyone before.  It’s like I need her.

March 18, 2011

I’m nervous as shit.  I don’t just want or need Bella…I love her.  And I’m going to tell her…tonight.  I’ve slipped so many times and almost said it over the last couple of weeks.  Surely she has to know.  She’s been working so hard on her essay this week and I miss her.  I miss her face.  I miss her laugh and her smell.  I miss her squirms and moans.

Shit.  Study hall is doing me absolutely no good today.  I need to figure out where in the hell she is.  I haven’t kissed her nearly enough this week and we’re about to be apart for a week.

Spring break sucks.

March 22, 2011

She loves me, too.  I thought she did.  I’d hoped she did.  But to hear it is…well, it’s what I’ve been waiting for.  It seems like I’ve waited forever, but it’s just that I’ve been waiting for her.  No one else. 

I wanted her that night…wanted to show her with my body, not just my words, just how much I meant it.  But the last time we escalated our physical relationship and then I was out of town, the longing nearly drove me crazy.  After a long talk, we decided to wait until we get back to school to have sex…make love?  Both?  Either way.  I just want to be with her.  It’s been so long for me I’m a little nervous that I won’t make it good for her.  I know it will be her first time, which is scary enough, and I want it to be perfect.

She has all the confidence in the world in me.  I wish I could borrow some of it from her. 

Mom and Lucy are using me as their little errand boy, running here, running there…all to get ready for the engagement party.  It’s not their first and they still have wedding showers after this.  Who knew there was so much grunt work that goes into getting married?

I talk to Bella every day, several times a day and we finally got a chance to Skype.  She’s a devil woman, though.  Perfect tits on display.  Killing me.  Like I’m not jerking off enough as it is thanks to her dirty good morning texts.  I really hope she keeps up with those when we get back to school.

I love it when she teases me, but I can’t tell her that…well, not just yet anyway.  She makes it so easy.  She makes everything easy these days  it seems.

March 24, 2011

Emmett texted me during the party last night.  He wanted to surprise Bella.  Something about he owed her for something she did with Rosalie.  I don’t know.  I didn’t bother with the details.  It was a way for me to see my girl.  What I do know is that it took me about five seconds to talk to Mom and Dad once we got home, pack my shit and get it in the car.

I have no idea if she’ll be happy or pissed.  I just know I want to see her and I hope she feels the same way.  She’s definitely worth getting up early and making the five hour drive.

March 27, 2011

She was happy!  Again…that girl knows how to welcome someone properly.  I found out later that Emmett asking me to surprise Bella had a two-fold purpose…and those two are devious!   I never want to get on their bad sides.

Apparently Bella helped Rosalie do some scheming to snap Emmett out of some kind of relationship rut, effectively driving Emmett to Bella’s for help getting rid of the mom squad.  When he found out she was the master mind…he owed her…in more ways than one.  Like Bella said…my appearance was retaliation and restitution all wrapped up in one.

Speaking of the moms…somehow I missed out of the fact that Renée and Renata are twins.  That was a trip.  And Charlie…well…he was quiet at first.  Confused as to why I was there in the first place.  But at least he knew about me.  And once we started talking sports, everything was easy.  And because I wanted it to stay that way, I was fine with following the house rules, unlike Rose and Emmett. 

But that didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the tag-team tactic Bella and Emmett had worked out against their mother-hovers so that we could each sneak off and…do what teenagers sometimes do.

Now that we’re back at school…I’m looking forward to being back in our little bubble where parents don’t hover and there aren’t engagement parties to attend.  It’s just me and her and us trying to find our way in this world…together.  Always together.

I’m ready for anything and everything…as long as it’s with her.  Soon…so soon, the time will be right and I’ll show her in every way.